NRL WAG Zoe Marshall admits to secretly taking Prozac for 11 months after years of judging people who relied on antidepressants and calling it a 'cop out': 'I feel really ashamed'

Zoe Marshall has made a confession about her mental health, revealing she spent 11 months taking antidepressants after years of judging people who relied on medication.

The podcaster, 41, who previously spoke publicly about her experience taking medically-prescribed MDMA, said she had long viewed antidepressants as a 'cop-out' and felt ashamed about the prospect of needing medication to manage her mental health.

But after reaching breaking point with her lifelong battle with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), Zoe decided to try Prozac – a decision she says ultimately saved her life.

In a candid interview with Daily Mail, Zoe admitted she found it easier to speak publicly about undergoing MDMA-assisted therapy than to tell people she had taken an antidepressant.

'I've always misunderstood and judged people who take medication. I thought it was a cop-out,' she said.

'I'd been quite open about the MDMA, but I felt way more shame about taking something that a lot of Australians take - Prozac.'

'That felt like a cop-out to me, and I feel really ashamed to say that now, because so many people have taken it and it's saved their lives.'

Zoe said she took Prozac for 11 months, during which time it gave her the ability to confront situations that had previously left her feeling terrified.

'It really saved my life. It gave me the ability to do situations where I thought I was going to die,' she said.

However, the medication also came with a downside, leaving her experiencing emotional blunting and struggling to access some of her feelings.

She recalled a particularly poignant moment at her recent book launch, when her NRL star husband Benji Marshall performed the haka.

'I couldn't feel a lot of emotions,' she explained.

'I remember while I was hugging him, whispering to him, "If it wasn't for the Prozac, I would be crying right now."'

Zoe said she had been living with OCD for decades, alongside emetophobia, an intense fear of vomiting, which she eventually learned was connected to her OCD.

'I went to a doctor and she said, "It's not a phobia, it's OCD masking as a phobia,"' she recalled.

Despite undertaking years of different therapies, including Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), Zoe reached a point where she felt her condition was controlling her life.

'I got to the point where I was so desperate. I felt like I was being hijacked by this OCD,' she said.

It was her husband Benji who ultimately encouraged her to reconsider her attitude towards medication.

'He was actually the one who turned it around for me. He said, "This could change your life. The stigma and shame that you have is holding you back,"' she said.

Zoe underwent blood testing, which she sent to the United States, in an effort to establish which medications might work best for her.

She said she wished she had understood the potential benefits of antidepressants much earlier.

'If I knew that SSRIs could help with OCD 20 years ago, my life would be so different now,' she said.

'I waited until I was 41 to try it. I felt so robbed of access.'

Zoe was keen to stress that medication was not a standalone solution, explaining that she combined the antidepressants with fortnightly ERP therapy.

'The SSRIs were in partnership with fortnightly ERP therapy. I had to do both. The SSRI wouldn't have helped me get through on its own,' she said.

'To get meaningful change, you have to be doing therapy in partnership with it.'

She said one of the most confronting aspects of her experience was realising that, despite having a happy family life and everything she needed, she was still being consumed by anxiety.

'The thing is, life was really good. All my needs were met, and yet I got to the point where I was thinking, "Why is this still terrifying? Why do I still feel like I'm going to die all the time? Why is my brain being hijacked?"'

Zoe eventually weaned herself off Prozac to undergo MDMA-assisted psychotherapy, which she undertook for three months earlier this year.

She said the treatment was a significant commitment, both financially and logistically, with family members having to fly in to help care for their children.

'I didn't want to be in the house after I took it, so logistically it required a lot,' she said.

'It was a big time and financial commitment.'

Benji was initially hesitant about the treatment.

'He's very anti-drugs. He's never done a drug in his life. So psychedelics, particularly MDMA, are very misunderstood. He needed to have a conversation with the medical team before he was on board,' she said.

Zoe said MDMA allowed her to revisit traumatic experiences without shutting down emotionally.

'MDMA allows you to look at trauma without shutting down. You can finish the loop of spiralling thoughts,' she said.

'I've done 30 years of different types of therapy, and it's never been like that.'

She believes the experience has also changed her marriage, with Benji noticing another shift in her ability to cope with uncertainty.

After she first began taking Prozac, Benji told her he felt it was the first time their family had collectively been able to breathe.

Zoe said the comment was confronting because it made her realise how much her OCD had affected their household.

'When you have someone who is highly micromanaging, things are tightly wound,' she said.

Zoe has also revealed she plans to undertake psilocybin treatment in March, accessing it through Australia's medical system.

Psilocybin is a natural psychedelic compound found in certain types of mushrooms. 

'It's a hallucinogenic, and for me, that feels a lot scarier than the MDMA,' she said.

The revelations come amid a period of significant self-discovery for Zoe, who has also been diagnosed with autism and ADHD.

'It's been a big unravelling of all these parts of me,' she said.

Following her experience with medication, Zoe also got eight tattoos, each representing a lesson she had learned.

One reads 'Be With Me', a reminder to remain present with herself rather than becoming consumed by her thoughts.