Nigel Havers: ‘My biggest disappointment? Not playing James Bond’

Born in London, Nigel Havers, 74, was Bafta-nominated for his 1981 role in Chariots of Fire. His other films include A Passage to India and Empire of the Sun. On television he has appeared in Don’t Wait Up, The Charmer, Coronation Street, The Gentlemen and, most recently, Golden Boys. He has starred in West End plays and panto, and is touring his show, Talking B*ll*cks. He is married, has a daughter and lives in London.

What is your greatest fear?
Every actor has the same fear – ie, you’re never going to work again.

What is your earliest memory?
Being in a pram in London and there being a road accident ahead and saying to my mother, “Go quickly, I want to see what’s happened.”

Which living person do you most admire, and why?
The king – because he’s been through quite a bit and I think he’s come out the other side brilliantly.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I’m over-tidy.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
When they don’t tell the truth.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
I was about six years old in a market square in Italy and my dad said, “Oh, those shorts would look perfect on you.” So he whipped my trousers off and I hadn’t got any knickers on.

What is your most treasured possession?
My new lawnmower.

Describe yourself in three words
I am here.

What scares you about getting older?
Everything.

Who is your celebrity crush?
Julia Roberts.

Would you choose fame or anonymity?
A hard question for an actor to answer.

What was the last lie that you told?
“We must have lunch sometime.” Who was it? I’m not telling you.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
My first wife, because I left her.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My wife.

What does love feel like?
Cosy and warm.

What was the best kiss of your life?
I’m not telling you.

Have you ever said ‘I love you’ and not meant it?
Never.

What is the worst job you’ve done?
Mucking out pigs on a farm when I was 15.

What has been your biggest disappointment?
Not playing James Bond.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?
Nothing at all.

When did you last cry, and why?
I cry all the time in front of the telly. I was doing Gogglebox with Julian Clary recently and I cried watching The Piano.

How often do you have sex?
Why on earth would I tell you that?

What keeps you awake at night?
Nothing.

How would you like to be remembered?
As a perfectly decent bloke.

What happens when we die?
That’s the 64-million-dollar question.

Tell us a joke
Last week I hired a static caravan. Every time I went through the front door my hair stood on end.