The internet is agog at Captain America's hog

We've gotten a good eyeful of the new Captain America swimsuit skin coming to Marvel Rivals, and I'm going to stop things briefly right here for a quick content warning: If you don't want to be looking at what PC Gamer's Chris Livingston described as "a new source of vibranium," avert your gaze now, because this thing is huge and I honestly don't know how it got into the game.

You were warned.

Did you see it?

Here, let's zoom in a bit.

That's right, Cap has an absolutely massive hog.

Not only that, but, well, it has jiggle physics.

That in itself is nothing new in videogames, but applied to this instead of those? I feel like we've entered a new era. Yes, Larian did it first, (actually, Conan Exiles did it first, and holy cow am I learning way more about videogame wangs that I expected to today) but given everything else Larian did in Baldur's Gate 3 I feel almost like thatt doesn't count. But dong jiggle physics in a mainstream superhero fighting game? That's something else entirely.

At first I thought maybe someone was just having a little fun with Photoshop or some animation software, but this flagpole is swinging everywhere. Little Cap isn't quite so pronounced in this video shared by the official Marvel Rivals X account but it's definitely there, and yeah, you can see it move too.

'The First Avenger' is a whole lot more definitely there in this clip shared by dejuna1 on YouTube.

Relatedly: What is going on with Cap's ass? And why is he wearing Borat's mankini? Never mind, I don't want to know.

Ludwig Kietzmann, a former editor-in-chief at PC Gamer's sister site GamesRadar, put forth an explanation for Captain America's massive hog—look, we might as well just say it—that I think stands up pretty well. So to speak.

The lore reason is Captain America was at Battle of the Bulge

Anyway, this sure looks to be Captain America's Captain Winky, alright, and that leads me to wonder, as Kotaku's Ken Shepard inquired above, why?

Not that I have any particular objections—we've been doing it with women in videogames for generations, so if NetEase wants Cap to really be standing at attention, fine by me—but holy cow. Rob Liefield looks positively restrained by comparison.

Anyway, because I am an industry professional who takes his job seriously, I have reached out to ask: And soon, a long-suffering PR rep at NetEase will receive an email from an official PC Gamer address, and he will open it, and he will read, Hey, what's up with the big dong on the big dog?

I will update if he replies.